So for a while now I have been aware of the fact that I need to change some things in my life. Realising that change in needed was the first step, but then I was stuck on that step for a really long time. I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know how to go about it, or even how to start. I started out by slowing down a lot, not by choice, but due to limiations and out of need. This helped me take a look at my friends, and realize that they are a mess, and that maybe I should start surrounding myself more with people that are actually doing something. Maybe their motivation will also rub off on me. Then I messed things up with R by drunk dialing him like a mad woman. Things don't look very fixable, but then again it is probably for the best. I was a lot more into him then he was into me, and I wasn't able to keep up with his lifestyle. The situation did put two things in a little clearer perspective tho, one is my drinking, which needs to be subdued, and the other is how I interact with men in my private life. Changes are definately needed, I can not act the way I have been, but I do not know how else to act. I guess that is the next step.
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