Marriage

This isn't probably something that I should post on the internet, but since I am not going to go through with it why not wonder about it publically.

H asked me to marry him. There is nothing romantic about this gesture, just like most of everything about him it is stricly business. He wants to go back to the army, and if he is married he will get paid a bunch more. He does not trust many people, or hardly any for that matter, but of course he trusts me, funny. Not that he would have any reason not to, I would never do anything with his money behind his back. So he wants me to marry him and help him stack money. When I asked what is in it for me, he said what ever I want within reason. Things that will definitely be in it for me are health benefits, citizenship, and a steady income. If you like at it from such a dry point of view it is not a bad deal. He would be in the service, shipped off somewhere, he wants to go to Korea, but will probably end up in Afghanistan even more crazy then he already is. I wouldn't even have to see him unless I really, really wanted to. I could do what ever I want. I could get another internship in manhattan, maybe for Nylon.

Yet every time I think about it I feel like I am talking myself into it. I simply can not marry as a buisness arrangement. I somehow have too much respect for what marriage is supposed to be to do that. I think the reason that I say I will never marry is because I do not believe that I will find someone that I can make that kind of commitment to. My dad always told me, if you don't like it then get out.