It is rather amusing how well I am doing since I have stopped advertising. It may be in part that a few of the fellas that have wanted to see me in the past are making sure to get around to it now just to make sure that they can keep doing so in the future. But to be honest it is also in good part because of the amount of repeat business I get. Which just makes me feel good. It's nice to be good at what you do and to enjoy doing it.

Of course just as many of the girls in my profession I am so good that some of the fellas believe the person I am for that hour is the same as I am the other 23 hours. When in reality it is me with so much extra sugar poured over top. Or should I say honey, I have been on a crazy honey binge lately. It has replaced all of my sugar and syrup and anything else along those lines.

I am sitting in a hotel bed as I type this. I will be sleeping here tonight. It has been a long while since I have slept in a hotel room after work. Well not really. It was not that long ago that I would sleep with H in hotels when we got the chance, just so that we can a. sleep in peace and b. sleep together. It has just been long since I have hung out in a hotel room by myself, playing on my computer, watching White Collar, and Burn Notice. Kind of a good thing to be honest, at least all of the episodes were new to me. Sadly, after having tasted the forbidden fruit, it is kind of lonely in this room by myself. Having the body of someone I care for next to me is a fairly fond idea.

H said he is on his way 20 minutes ago, he should be here in another 20.

Jealousy

There is often jealousy amongst the girls in the business. There is jealousy between independent providers on the boards, things often come unglued. She said, he said stuff is as common as anal.

I never really experienced much jealousy when I was working for an agency. I didn't come in contact with other girls too much, and I never complained of a lack of appointments in comparison.

Now, as an agency, I am starting to see it. Two girls that work for us also work together at a strip club. One has been with us for a while, and the other one just started. Girl one has been very flaky lately and missing out on appointments, while girl two is on point, and since they have a similar body type, ends up getting the appointments. They end up liking her, and sticking to her from then on. Ooops. The fact that G2 is also sleeping with the Chief is not helping the situation either. All of this is not that important tho since G1 has not showed up to work and has not been in contact in a couple of days. I'm sure we will hear from her eventually.

What is important, to me at least, is that a gent that has seen me on multiple occasions came to see G2. I greeted him at the location, just to say hello, and he informed me that he will like to see me for an outcall in two weeks. Wonderful, off I leave as he goes into the bedroom. We meet back up once he is gone only for G2 to tell me that she he loved her and wants to have an overnight with her in two weeks. Ooooooooooooh really? Damn. I did feel a ping of jealousy, one bigger then I've had before, but still nothing major. Nothing that I would ever dwell on. It is the nature of the business.

H and I are completely over. There were a couple of very messy attempts at making things work but in the end it just didn't. So I chose to pick a fight and move on.

I don't miss him specifically, I miss the comfort of him. I miss that glimmer of hope that I am actually lovable.

Oh gawd, fucking whiner parade. I hate it when I finally admit to the real reasons for why I am so broken up about shit, I feel so pathetic. I feel weak for having regular feelings, because I am so supposed to be ok with being single. All the time that I had spent looking down on people who depend on relationships for a sense of security and I became one myself so quickly. How hypocrytical.

Business is going ok, yet somehow I can not seem to catch up.

Girls are a pain in the ass for the most part. They don't call, they don't show, when they do they are constantly needy. Half of them are as dumb as a rock and or addicted to drugs, mostly cocaine. Sadly. It's forgivable, some are young, and I was young and did dumb shit too. Others I guess just can't keep it together as well as I. There I go again about my keeping my shit together. What a joke. It's like saying that you cleaned up the room because you swept, yet you left the pile of dirt in the corner.