H and I are completely over. There were a couple of very messy attempts at making things work but in the end it just didn't. So I chose to pick a fight and move on.

I don't miss him specifically, I miss the comfort of him. I miss that glimmer of hope that I am actually lovable.

Oh gawd, fucking whiner parade. I hate it when I finally admit to the real reasons for why I am so broken up about shit, I feel so pathetic. I feel weak for having regular feelings, because I am so supposed to be ok with being single. All the time that I had spent looking down on people who depend on relationships for a sense of security and I became one myself so quickly. How hypocrytical.

Business is going ok, yet somehow I can not seem to catch up.

Girls are a pain in the ass for the most part. They don't call, they don't show, when they do they are constantly needy. Half of them are as dumb as a rock and or addicted to drugs, mostly cocaine. Sadly. It's forgivable, some are young, and I was young and did dumb shit too. Others I guess just can't keep it together as well as I. There I go again about my keeping my shit together. What a joke. It's like saying that you cleaned up the room because you swept, yet you left the pile of dirt in the corner.