Crash

I crashed my car
Again
Into a telephone pole
Again
The scary thing is that every other time that I have crashed (3 times) I knew what happened, I knew what I did wrong, I had the ability to learn from my mistakes. But not this time. This time all I know is that I am driving on the road, and then I am driving half on the road and half on the grass, and oh shit there's a pole. BOOOOOOOOOOM.

The part where I went from road to grass is completely missing in my brain. I wasn't playing with a cell phone, I wasn't putting on makeup, I wasn't fucking with the radio... I was just thinking, I was just really deep in thought.... and I don't know. I really just don't. And it is freaking scary. I am so scared that I can't even stop crying, and I rarely cry, but I've been crying all day.

I feel so pathetic, so inferior, like such a loser. I feel like I should be locked away in a bubble and my body should be donated to science. Maybe after years of strenious study they will finally find out what is wrong with me. Hey, maybe I will even have a dissease named after me.